


Why Arthur was really mad at Raven

by canvas_melody



Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28270854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canvas_melody/pseuds/canvas_melody
Summary: They say that Arthur tried to deport Raven to Russia because Raven lied about his age. Arthur had another motive. Also, this is how Noriko stole Arthur's legs and made him use stilts for that one NP comic in which it wasn't Tedd on stilts.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Why Arthur was really mad at Raven

**Author's Note:**

> I'd say I have no idea why I decided to write this, but it was my American Government final project. Hopefully you learn at least two amendments, one of the six principles of the United States Constitution, the positions of the Federalists and Anti-Federalists like two hundred years ago, and the branches of government.

A man, whose hair looked twice as old as his face did, talked in a gravely voice, but a voice significantly higher in pitch than what one would normally expect out of a gravely voice. "And what can we generally say about the storage of magic in solids of differing densities?" A pause. "Noriko."  
Noriko's sister pushed her awake. "Densities of solids," she whispered.  
"Surrounded by a gas, solids with higher densities can retain magic better than solids with lower densities."  
"Quite right, for the purposes of this class. The review will be over in a few days, after which the final project is due." The bell rang.  
Walking through the hallway, Noriko talked with her sister. "What are you planning for your final project?"  
"Already finished it, for the most part. Didn't you know?"  
"Why would I know?"  
"I told you about it on Saturday."  
"I don't remember that."  
"Makes sense."  
"Look, I haven't slept in days. There were tests and assignments that have been late for weeks--"  
"No, it makes sense because the person I was talking to might not have been you."  
"You made clones?"  
"Of course not, something else. What do you done for your project?"  
"Absolutely nothing. I've got to get to government."  
"And sleep in there, too?"  
"Yes."

Adrian Raven wore American flag pants, a coat that came out of some drama room, and a football helmet. "Today, were going to learn some memory techniques and memorize all the Amendments today. Do you know what the second amendment is?"  
"The right to bear arms?" a student in the front row said.  
"Exactly. And I have two right here." He took out two sleeves from below his desk that must also have come from some drama room and managed to put them over the baggy sleeves of the coat after a minute.  
What a strage amendment, she thought. The next minute, the bell rang.

"What's your project?" Noriko asked.  
"I could explain it, or I could watch you freak out. Come over here, by this mirror on the door."  
"Okay."  
Her sister placed her hand on the mirror. It started to develop globs or flakes, like a well-worn set of headphones. It rippled. Finally, her hand slid through. "Step inside."  
Noriko did so, and found herself in a dingy room. Weird Als (or, if 'weird' is some sort of noun, and 'al' is simply a type of 'weird,' "Weirds Al" would be more correct, and implies that Weird Al came from some sort of factory that produces Weirds) pored over a table in 18th-century coats. "We've got trouble my friend, this here document we've need amend. See - a list of rights to feed the lights of the people."  
"They're intrinsic, my friend, no need amend, you Anti-Feds sing the British rule trend."  
They appeared to be having a great time coming up with rhymes. Noriko found her sister standing next to her. "What's it do?"  
"It's supposed to look at past events, but it is obviously influenced by imagination."  
"It's a sight." They listened for a few minutes. "I should get started on my project." All the Weird Als promptly turned into Norikos and babbled about magic. "Can I talk with them?"  
"I would think so," her sister said.  
"This should be helpful."  
"I'll leave you to it."

"Okay, so we've got to get a project done. Ideas?"  
"A mirror that is supposed to show past events but doesn't work."  
"A mirror that makes food."  
"A microwave."  
"A mirror that transforms cold food into hot food."  
"A microwave."  
"A mirror that turns you into Weird Al."  
"That's it. How's it gonna work?"  
"We need to speak with magic, right? How do we do that?"  
"We could set up a neural link."  
"That doesn't happen with magic."  
"It could. Limbs connect our minds to the universe, and if we somehow connected the other end of a limb to magic, we could make a mind to limb to universe to limb to magic connection."  
"Ok. Who has spare limbs?"  
"I do."  
"Real limbs."  
"The preserved animal department?"  
"Yeah."  
"We can't just steal them, can we?"  
"You forget one crutial thing?"  
"What's that?"  
"Our second amendment - the right to bear arms."  
"We leave at midnight."

"Stop it right there, man."  
"Fifth amendment, no self-incrimination."  
"That doesn't apply. We're not in a trial, and I just saw you come through the window."  
"Can I just leave?"  
"Don't think that's possible, man. I've got to cooperate with the higher-ups. It's like federalism, man. Also, it's sorta like the supremacy clause, 'cause I gotta do what they want me to unless the board says otherwise. Board usually says to report people breaking in to steal things, like this one time when ol' Ed tried to break in and steal something. If that were more important, you might even call it a landmark decision, man."  
"Let's put it to a vote."  
"Popular soverignty isn't in your favor here, man. It's your vote against me and the other guards."  
"Hey, do you know my name?"  
"No."  
Noriko jumped out the nearest window, shattering the glass.  
"Too bad we're well-funded enough to have glass in our windows, man."

"Norikos, that didn't work."  
"How are we gonna get limbs now?"  
"I don't think the bear arms would've worked anyway. Bears aren't magic enough."  
"What's magic enough?"  
"Our magic teacher."  
"Wouldn't he notice if his limbs were missing?"  
"Not if we just swapped 'em out with fake legs. Ever watch Indiana Jones?"  
"No."  
"Movie night."  
"We have to make the paper mache legs first."  
"Ok."

Arthur J. Arthur looked around the classroom.  
"What's... under that blanket, miss Noriko?"  
"Just something for my final project."  
Her sister looked worried.  
Mr. Arthur continued, turning to use the chalkboard. "You see, the magic travels along its gradient within the material . . ."  
Noriko slowly crept out of her seat and crawled between desks to the front of the room. The students all gave her funny looks. It was only as she got to the front of the classroom that she realized she forgot the legs. Back and to the front again, she crouch-walked.  
"And who can tell me how this gradient is transformed?"  
The class was silent.  
"Not even No-" he turned to face the class, and found her seat empty. Noriko crouched right next to him. "Hmm." He turned back, and Noriko made the swap and went back to her seat.  
"Why have you done this." her sister said.

"Got the legs."  
"All right, now we need a mirror."  
"Amazon. Raided some temple that, with hope, nobody was using. Always magic in ancient temples in rainforests for mirrors to absorb."  
"That's not true, many ancient temples have magic in their mirrors, but this one had magic in it because of its location on the Earth."  
"Really?"  
"The 23rd amendment not only gave electoral votes to the District of Columbia, but magic to all mirrors in regular Columbia."  
"Huh."

Noriko's sister saw Noriko programming the mirror.  
"Is that your project?"  
"Yes."  
"It's gonna look like I copied off you."  
"No, it's gonna look like you copied off me."  
"At least paint yours a different color."

Magic projects were lined up all over the silent gym. Arthur J. Arthur came over with a clipboard, his shoes making squeaks. "You have two mirrors," he said.  
"They do different things, I assure you."  
"You made more than one project, Noriko."  
"No, that's her project."  
"She's not a clone?"  
"No, sir."  
"I was wondering why there's always been a blank space adjacent to your own name on the roster. What is her name?"  
"I've been too afraid to ask. I knew it at one point, but then I forgot it."  
Mr. Arthur inspected the mirrors and scribbled on his clipboard. Everyone watched as he turned into Weird Al.  
"Do you think he'll notice?"  
"Yes."  
He started to look sick. "What is this mirror," he said before more words came out of his mouth.  
"A handful of years ago, along our cities, shores, and bays, our home was under an attack. And we thought that war was the place to write our laws, to build our base, and maybe cut our states a little slack. But Shay's Rebellion told us how what we were doing we couldn't allow. Massachusetts stood there, militia off who-knows-here. They raised some funds to put it down, to ease the state, to save the towns. Our country is a bunch of clowns. That's what the Federalists see.  
"Did you know that the Articles don't allow central government to gather tolls, or maybe set up courts to settle fights? Ah, did you see them holding off those dudes though they're just tryin'a get some foods and find a little home, a little light? The Articles are clearly not working out to make the world we thought. This system cannot be here -- we need a new government to see here. We're currently working on a solve to fix the many issues hidden in this mix. The Articles we must nix - that's what the Federalists see.  
"I still remember how it feels to live with Britain right on my heels, and soldiers quartering in my own place. We all fought in that nine-year war, and I'd nearly given it all before our flag was reaching up towards outer space. We fought so hard to make our land, to make our country and take our stand. But the Articles aren't the answer - the Constitution's fancier. It'll give the fed'ral government tools to help our people, not look like fools. But we'll still make our own darn rules - that's that the Federalists see.  
"Oh my, my, with this system I've had. The Constitution, our solution is to centralize, lad. There are checks in place to make sure no one's too bad. And, with hope, the citizens will be glad.  
"Was it supposed to do that, Noriko?" he said.  
"Not really."  
_Who taught history?_ "Raven," he muttered under his breath, as the gym clapped.

"I forgot to put his real legs back on."


End file.
